I've lost the zeal to do anything for school, and it's so ridiculous. I know how much work I have to do but I'm too afraid to begin, because I don't want to get sucked back into that black abyss of stress. The last time that happened I got sick and I'm pretty sure I've missed this month's period because of it (I never miss my periods). But then I recall the intense lacklustre I felt in secondary school and that probably scares me more. There's nothing more frightening than the thought of wasting one's life away on banal enervation.
In other news, Jed and I haven't been texting much the past few weeks. I've noticed that over the months we've texted less and less frequently. It isn't anything to worry about - in fact I think it's quite healthy. There's no sickening attachment where either party feels the unremitting need to text 24/7. I have to admit, though, that there came a point in time where I felt that he was enjoying our lack of conversation a tad bit too much. BUT I have come to realise that this is good for our relationship. The space allows us to miss each other, to wonder what the other is doing, to actually have things to share when we finally do meet at the end of each week. I refuse to be a victim of the Technological Age and allow my romance to die. After all, aren't I the one constantly complaining about how I wished my love story was like some epic movie? In NONE of the tech-savvy modern day love stories I've come across are the romances epic.
Creative Writing class yesterday went a lot better than expected. I was terrified of sharing my poem as it was incredibly personal; in it I described my image insecurities, and how I found wholeness in God. As it turned out, majority - if not all - of the poems were as or more personal than mine, which was really heartwarming. During the critique round, many of my classmates wondered if mine was a religious or religiously driven poem, and at the end of it my lecturer asked if that's what it was.
My response: Yes, it is about my faith.
There's been a bit of debate in that particular class about the topic of religion, and what good discussion of religion doesn't come with a fair amount of tension. There seems to be a suggestion that since faith doesn't call for proof, it should not be accepted, and that anyone who does have faith, especially in a spiritual being or a "God", should be labeled "religious". I reject the notion that Christians (or anyone of staunch faith for that matter) should be typecast as arrogant, opinionated religious zealots. I reject the idea that anyone with faith AT ALL should be looked upon as silly, naive or ignorant. There are many people who have just as much conviction in their beliefs and to conveniently blame such fervour on religion, to me, is what's ignorant.
Do not confuse "religion" with "faith". I have faith that I will wake up tomorrow morning, have breakfast, and go to Marina Barrage for my school's Dragonboat Regatta. That doesn't necessarily mean I believe that Jesus will come back to earth and the End Times will begin. Religion is nothing without faith, because what religion can thrive without people who believe? Faith is the very core of everything that we believe in. To live without faith is to live without hope, and to live without hope is to not live at all. So I feel sorry for you without faith.
Anyway, I've been thinking about dedicating my next Poetry assignment to Bernie, my niece. She really is the most beautiful baby I've ever laid eyes on. She's so small, so precious, and even though she cries so much she brings more joy than she could ever imagine. I never knew I could love someone so much till she came into the world, and I thought I should write something for her. I haven't come up with much, just the draft:
My darling, my darling
Cherubim praise your beauty
radiant joy permeating
like sunbeams in the night
My darling, my darling
Love like an ocean
waves never ceasing
the seabed beyond touch
My darling, my darling
Warrior armed with Hope
breastplate of Courage
staff of Wisdom
My darling, my darling
Infancy so delicate a dawn
youth as the noonday sky
mature like the waning of the sun
 |
| Kuku loves you so, so, so much my darling Bernedette. You bring me happiness I've never before this known. I'm so glad God has blessed our family with you. I can't wait to see you grow up. <3 |
Well, looks like I've found my inspiration. (:
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