NO MORE TV....This week.

Starting March 31 2014 till 6 April 2014, I have decided to abstain from movies and TV shows. That means no lying on the couch watching TV in the living room, no watching on my laptop, and no movies in the cinemas. It's time I spent some valuable RnR time with the Big Guy. 

It all started with a debate VLIC had about the movie Noah, and how it's unbiblical. It led to me feeling that my love for movies was beginning to warp, and how with the whole Fox debacle (them giving the Production Asst job to someone else and subsequently not getting back to me about a recommendation as a Cast PA) it seemed that God closing the door meant He didn't want me in that industry. I've never had the courage to pray "God I give you full control", coz what if that meant God wanted you to sell everything you had and move to the Congo Basin? Being in movies has been my dream for as long as I can remember, so the notion that giving all for God meant giving up my dream was both heartbreaking and terrifying.

Talking to VLIC about it, though, made me realise that sometimes we are so focused on ourselves - what WE want, what WE are afraid of, what WE need - that we tend to compartmentalise God and limit Him to what we imagine Him to be. Lately I've been thinking of setting up a Christian media company locally, so maybe God is showing me that this "dream" of mine doesn't have to be so narrow. Plus, He really does have a sense of humour so for all I know, 5 years from now (or even 5 DAYS), I might be looking back on tonight and laughing at myself. 

This fast is dedicated to figuring out God's heart for me again. I mean, if you've gone for so long without spending quality time with someone, you're bound to drift away right? Anyway, I've wasted so much time watching useless TV when I could have done a whole bunch of other better things. So I've made a list of things I want to accomplish while fasting this week: 

1) Do the couples devotional everyday. 
2) Do Our Daily Journey everyday. 
3) Finish A Hobbit's Devotional. 
4) Write and send that letter to Switchfoot that I've been meaning to do for weeks. 
5) GO TO THE BANK AND SORT OUT MY DEBIT CARD. 
6) Finish Captivating.
7) Finish The Reason For God.
8) Go swimming (!!!!).
9) RUN DAMMIT. 
10) Spend time with my friends. 
11) Sit in nature and soak in some awesome God time. 

I'm thinking that (11) can be done simultaneously with any of the book-related points. 

This seems like a pretty solid plan right? Getting off my lazy ass and DOING SOMETHING FOR ONCE. I'm actually quite excited now that I've listed out a To-Do list. 

Well, God. Here I come. Feel free to blow my mind. 

"Maybe I could wash clean
Yeah maybe I could wash clean
all my land-locked dreams
And maybe I could believe

We’re on your shore again
I can feel the ocean
I can feel your open arms
That pure emotion
I’m finally free again"

- Switchfoot, Saltwater Heart 

So what if my arms are big?

I've recently started to wear sleeveless clothes, something I would never have imagined doing a few years ago. I'm not the skinniest girl, so naturally I notice the size of my arms in my reflection. Once during internship a male colleague commented that my arms could use a bit of toning up. At the time I brushed it off with a joke, but now that I'm wearing sleeveless clothes more often I'm reminded of the comment. Which, come on, anyone can admit was totally unnecessary.

Telling someone they need to lose weight for any reason other than health is probably the douchiest thing you could ever do. I am so tired of hearing girls say, "I need to go on a diet." Er, why?! If your heart or liver doesn't depend on you losing a few kilos then why do we as females (and even some males) feel the need to lose weight all the time? Saying "I need to lose weight" when you're already perfectly healthy only allows people, including yourself, to believe that beauty is defined by your waistline.

Would you want your daughter, sister, mother, girlfriend, wife, to think this way? Do you want them believing that their beauty is limited to a number on a scale, whether they can fit into that dress, or whether they look good in skinny jeans?

That girl on Instagram with the flat stomach? She's gonna grow old and get frown lines same as you. That gorgeous Tumblr model with the flawless skin? She's probably struggling to be on time for school just like you are.  Even Gweneth Paltrow can't have silky blonde hair forever. Our bodies do not define who we are or who we can be, because they don't last. Your true beauty - the way you make people laugh, your affinity for music, how no one can beat your apple pie -  that's something no one can take away.

Now that I'm turning 20 I refuse to bring the baggage of my teenage years with me into adulthood.  I am the only person with the power to make me feel less than I should, so I just told me to shut up.

Yes, I have tummy rings, and yes I have cellulite. But who cares? The size of my arms don't affect anyone. The only person whose opinion matters is yours. I wanna see more girls with bigger arms, curvier bodies and wider girths wearing whatever the heck they want. Singapore is HOT, so why should the skinny girls be the only ones in tank tops?

SO FRUSTRATED. (I'm not going to make cohesive thoughts here so if you can't follow I apologise.)

Firstly: Why can't they just get their instructions right. The lack of consistency keeps throwing everybody off. You can't tell us the deadline is on one day and then a few hours later tell us it's been shifted forward. It's fine if you do it once, but don't keep doing it??

Secondly: Hi, I'm Lindsay. Your group member. Remember me? Am I so insignificant that I'm not needed. Like wtf. I understand why you'd be annoyed with me, because I would be too (and tbh I am). But can you at least include me in your group discussions and decisions and not just tell me after you've discussed it amongst yourselves. Wtf.

Thirdly: What is up with all the persecution seriously. If you wanna hate on my faith then do it on your own time, stop spitting your venomous words at the class. For goodness sake no one wants to listen to your philosophical hour-long rants about how religion is cruel and the life is too complicated and we're too young to understand anything yet we need to have answers because we're already 19. OKAY I HAVE AN OPINION ALRIGHT WHY IS THAT WRONG. Oh right because I'm a christian, therefore my opinions are obviously tainted by religious biasness and I'm blinded by brainswashed faith OKAY SORRY FOR THAT.

(Wow print journ has trained me so well that I keep trying to make sure my paragraphs in this post flow well. Omg who cares if it flows it's a blog no one gives a shit.)

Aside from school of course there's every other aspect in my life, which I will not go into because I don't have time to worry about them coz everything is about school all day, everyday. It's so funny when people try to cheer me up by reminding me that the holidays are coming. Ha ha ha that makes no difference at all. It just means that the work I'd be doing in school I'm now doing at home/Starbucks/probably in still school.

This semester has probably been the lowest time of my life since the sec 3-sec 4 fiasco. All my electives are giving me grief. You'd think that studying things that you chose to do would make you like school but on the contrary, I'm so unhappy and frustrated almost everyday. I'm struggling to keep my head out of the water, let alone stay afloat.

I stayed up late doing Print Journ last night, so I only slept at 3:30am. I asked my friends to give me a wake up call at 7:30am.

Note: If you're expecting a wake up call, TURN YOUR RINGER ON. 

I woke up at 9:40am to 57 missed calls and 74 text messages. Quite a feat I would say.

God please help me I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive this semester.

"I don't hate school, I'm just really tired of it."
- Me two nights ago.

I take that back.

How Tolkien and Peter Jackson changed my life 11 years ago

So I was casually flipping through Tumblr on my phone when I came across this post:

The first girl is Katie Jackson, Peter Jackson's daughter. The second girl is Alexandra Austin, Sean Austin's daughter. Both appeared in the LOTR movies. Katie in Fellowship of the Ring, Alexandra in Return of the King.

These girls are around my age, both being 17. Then it occurred to me, that these pictures perfectly reflect my entire growth process since I was a child. 

11 years ago, I sat in the theatre with my mom watching the opening scenes of The Two Towers, my little heart filled with excitement and trepidation at the thought of an adventure much greater than my 8 year old self. I even remember the man in my row who got up and left midway through the movie and never came back (the only explanation for that I conclude, is that there was a medical emergency coz why else would you leave LOTR). When Return of the King premiered the following year, I was smitten. 

By the time I left primary school, I'd written my own LOTR book, learnt Elvish, studied the history of Middle Earth, memorised the calligraphy of the One Ring inscription, read the Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R.Tolkien's biography, and a number of Tolkien's other works. Now, at 19 years of age, my love for Middle Earth has not been assuaged. No matter how many times I watch the movies (over 1000 times, I counted. Even broke a couple VCDs coz I watched them so much), I learn something new about it. Sometimes I even learn something new about myself. 

People ask why I love Lord of the Rings so much. There's no one answer to that. How do I explain the better portion of my life? My childhood, my entire teenage life? How do I tell them that this "movie", this "book", has helped shaped me into who I am? I can't. I can only say that I do, and hope that one of my babbling rants may cover just the top of that very titanic iceberg. 

I may grow out of it, I may not. Who knows? In 50 years when I look back I may laugh in embarrassment, or I may glow with pride at my unwavering loyalty. For now I will continue to wait in gargantuan anticipation for The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug to premiere in Singapore, and attempt to bridle the unadulterated exhilaration that comes with seeing Tolkien's work on the big screen. 

And also Orlando Bloom as Legolas again. OMG.

2001

2013

Philosophy is a bad class to take

Life is a gift

            the tag cut off

            and the receipt

            thrown away

Life is a box of chocolates

            100% dark cocoa

            with toffee and nougat

            and that stuff in Crush

Life is precious

            poor girl in a bad home

            wants to leave
            but can't

Life is what you make it out to be

            sometimes the light

            at the end of the tunnel
            is a train headed your way

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." - JRR Tolkien

Whenever I'm super full, I still try to finish the food that's on my plate. 
When I couldn't figure out how to play the chorus of Augustana's Boston on the piano, I wouldn't stop practising till I got it. 
When the world tells me my God has failed, I remember that Jesus has already overcome it. 

Even though I am definitely no saint, I don't believe in giving up. 

Sure, most of the time when we give up on something, there isn't much to lose - not tangibly that is. But intangibly? 

There's a great deal to lose. 

"[We] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." - Romans 5: 3-5

Even in secular teachings, we can understand that suffering produces character. Most of the people we see with the best, rock-solid characters have gone through great tribulations in life. These are the people who truly understand, among countless other things, the meaning of strength, forgiveness, and hope. Character molded through suffering is probably the longest lasting and most life-changing. Suffering leads us to tap into the emotional depths of our being that is normally untouched. When the very core of our soul is shaken, the effort in rectification is almost monumental. But in these dark moments of our lives, the light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel becomes all the more emphasised - the darker a place is, the brighter a light is. This light has a name, and it is Hope. 

Hope moves people to do radical things - it creates revolutionaries that cripple governments, gives courage to the lost. Hope takes fear head on and chases it out, baton and axe in hand; a roaring lion sprinting after its prey. 

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

It is not an easy thing to remain faithful, especially when situations get tough. I'd like to encourage anyone who's reading this (it's probably just me sadly reading myself lol) never to give up when things get rough. Life's tests are your chance to grab it (by the balls) and tell it that you aren't gonna take shit. Are you going to work through the difficult, convoluted things, or are you going to wave the white flag and let life eat you alive? Are you going to leave when the the road gets dark, or are you going to light a flame and keep trucking on till you see that glimmer of sunlight? 

What kind of person are you going to be? 

Mississippi

Mississippi is a US State
a US state
an us state

I don't like Mississippi
I know how to get there
but I don't want to

There's no place like it
no experience like it
there's nothing, none

Mississipi is a US State
a US state
an us state

I don't want to get to Mississippi.
No, not even near it.
But I seem to be.